Today I finished reading the book, The TV Kid which my friend recommended me. I was expecting something super sad at the ending because my friend warned me that I would shed many tears by the ending. However, I didn’t feel that sad because due to her horrendous warning ahead, I was expecting Lennie to die or his whole family to be torn apart. Actually I was sort of happy when his long hospitalization ends up with his flirting with two cute girls :)
I need to be more assertive from now on. Maybe I was cringing from the fear of possibly being misunderstood by others. I was worried that others would squint their eyes at me, blaming my behavior or giggling at my mistakes.
Selflessness and consideration for others are considered to be good traits to have; but there are instances where too much concern for others can hurt you. When it comes to love, sometimes I need to care less about her emotion to take initiative.
Being selfish can make me more confident. From now on, I have to step out further to express my opinion and get what I deserve to have. I need to break this shell surrounding me.
When it comes to love, sometimes you need to be assertive to make it happen.
I know I shouldn't, but I always try to plan everything perfectly, even though these plans usually fail. My plans were ruined tonight yet again. Today I planned to study, eat dinner, then work out, but this failed because I ended up eating too much. I ate Korean food for dinner, and because I planned to exercise afterwards, I wanted to eat a lot to have energy for my work out. But I ended up feeling nauseous one hour after eating. So I took a rest instead of working out. Lame excuse, Jae.
When I drink coffee, my brain functions like it never has before, which sadly only lasts a few hours. Soon after, my head feels numb and my brain functions worse than it did before I drank coffee. I think I had too much caffeine in my system this afternoon. I am in a trance now. I can neither fall asleep nor be fully awake. This was always a problem when I visited a cafe with my friends. Often I chose to drink nothing.
Tonight I sit, taking in the darkness. It flows out as art, powerfully and incessantly.
I seek relief from struggling through hardships by trying to forget about them.
As I walk home, tiny lights sparkling in the trees, signaling the approach of Christmas, bring me a sense of nostalgia. I am reminded of when I was a young boy, leisurely walking around with my mother near the newly built theater in our town in South Korea.